The Day After (Mother’s Day)

 

This photo of my mom held a greater meaning for me yesterday.

 

I am probably one of the few people, if not the only one, who is glad and relieved that Mother’s Day is finally over.  Yesterday, Mother’s Day, was just way too emotionally charged for me.  The reason, my Mom went back home to Manila yesterday.  When we were booking her ticket for the trip to and from Austin, I was very much against her leaving on the 13th of May because I wanted to celebrate Mother’s Day with her.  But she insisted that much as she wants to stay with us  longer, she really just has to get back home right way to attend to so many things.  And so, she had her way.  We were up by 4:30am yesterday and out of the house by 5:30am.  My Mom had an 8:50 am flight to Houston, her first stop.  One thing I really appreciate about US airports is that you can accompany passengers inside the airport upto just before they have to go through the security check to get to the gates or immigration, depending on the destination.

My Mom was through checking-in her baggage and securing her boarding passes by 6:30am.  Boarding time is at 7:30am.  This allowed us a few minutes longer lease on “together time”, for which I’m very thankful.  A few minutes after 7am, my Mom decided it was time for her to go through security check and just wait it out at the passenger lounge.  Hard as it was, we hugged each other ever so tightly and said our temporary goodbyes.  She gave Dondi and Abby goodbye hugs and kisses as well.  Like a scene from a movie, from a distance, we watched her go through security check and she would give us a glance every now and then.  We would then wave and blow her kisses.   And after she was through with the security check and just before she headed towards the direction of her boarding gate, we all waved goodbye and blew kisses one final time.

We stayed home the whole day leaving only around lunch time to hear mass, have lunch, return some stuff to Toys R Us and buy Abby new pairs of pants.  The rest of the day I spent wallowing in my sorrow. Heehee. 

oOo

I remember a conversation I had with Mia when we hooked up in Manila last January.  She said she cried for 3 months when she got to the US more than 3 years ago now.  When I got to Austin, I have to admit, I was happy and excited over our new house, shopping for home stuff, the nice and quiet city that Austin seems to be, etc.  And I thought, hey, it looks like there’s gonna be no crying for me…at least not for 3 months!  I started munching on  and gulping down these thoughts 2 nights before my Mom left.  As I lay in bed with Abby and hubby asleep beside me, I just found myself crying…non-stop!  Every bit a Mommy’s girl that I am, reality just bit me and it finally sunk in that my Mom and I, who have been together for all 31 years of my life, will now have to live apart from each other. 

This was unthinkable for most everyone who knew about our move to Austin.  “Paano ka na?” was what they asked my Mom and “Paano na si Mommy mo?” was what they asked me.  I now realize that they should have been more worried about me instead.

Yesterday, at the ripe old age of 31, I sufferred from a terrible bout of separation anxiety.  For the second consecutive night, I cried myself to sleep the eve my Mom was scheduled to leave.  I woke up and continued crying.  And then after my Mom finally left, every hint of a thought about my Mom made me cry.  It was soooo baaaaaad!  Having stayed with us in our newly leased house, she has stamped her presence in practically every one of its nook and crany.  Abby’s room, where she slept, smelled so nicely of her.  I hug and smell the sheets and pillow for a more tangible reminder of my Mom.   The upstairs bathroom, was my Mom’s and Abby’s for the 8 full days she was here.  Everything suddenly felt weird.  It was weird not having my Mom’s toiletries on the bathroom sink; not seeing her at the kitchen eating, washing dishes or cooking when I come down for breakfast; not having her at a comfortable distance from me was weirdest of all!

Before anybody thinks of me as crazy, one has to understand that my Mom and I are just really close, for lack of a better term.  We’ve been through a lot together, which only made the bond that ties us together and the love we have for each other grow stronger.  Now that I’m married, I know full well that I have to be true to my vows and be with my husband and daughter, which is why I’m where I am now.  If only I could be at two places at the same.

I told my Mom in a card I gave her yesterday that 3 people complete me, she, hubby and Abby.  I am complete, happiest, at my best, and just plain contented when I am with them.  And for the greater part of my still very young married life, we’ve all been together.  I guess I’ll just have to be a little incomplete for now….until such time when we can all be physically together again.  I guess what makes me all the more sad is that I feel like I didn’t live up to my end of our silent pact of “walang iwanan”.

oOo

Notwithstanding whatever feelings of sadness I feel right now, I’m happy, just the same, for the 8 full days my Mom was with us here in Austin.  She was just plain great from NAIA on our way here upto the time she finally had to leave.  I wouldn’t have survived the trip to Austin if my Mom were not with me, what with Abby keeping our hands full!    It was also refreshing to see my Mom in the kitchen washing dishes and cooking as if she did them all the time!  Filling up the kitchen cupboards and the fridge and shopping for necessary housewares also became more enjoyable!    We shared so many great meals, half of which were home-cooked and the rest from a cool variety of restaurants.  I loved the fact that for a brief moment, Dondi, Abby and I were able to whisk my Mom off from whatever worries were haunting her at home.   It’s also a good thing that my Mom became acquainted with our temporary location.  At least, she knows that we are in a good place and she won’t have to worry too much about us.

oOo

I’m a little better now, today being my first official day as a SAHMmy (stay-at-home-mommy).  I willed myself not to cry (too much).  While I owe it to my hubby and Abby to be a good wife and mommy, part of me, my heart and mind especially, will always long for my dear Mommy.

Mommy, I miss you terribly, and this you know very well by now.   There won’t be a day that’ll go by when I won’t think of you.  I may have left your side physically but I will always be with you in mind and spirit.  Promise to take good care of yourself more than anything and anyone else, ok?  Don’t worry about us.  We’re fine where we are.  We look forward to your next visit.  How’s next week?  Should you want to escape your “daily grind”, you know you have a house here waiting for you.  That’s the least we could do for all you’ve done for us.   Let’s promise to make next Mother’s Day a whole lot better, ok?   I love you very much.  Mmmwah!